Northern beaches domestic violence: Campaigner Mel Thomas is helping girls and women

During the next two hours there will be screaming, broken boards, tears, laughter and at times dead silence. With a chilling message underneath it all.

For those in the room have all come to learn what to do, should the very worst happen.

READ THIS WEEK'S EDITION OF THE NORTHERN BEACHES REVIEW

All too often we ignore our intuition, says campaigner against family violence Mel Thomas. "We're going to think the unthinkable, then we're going to be prepared, not scared, and we're going to talk about intuition which is massively overlooked in our culture," she says.

"We value logic and reason, and for girls especially, it's incredibly dangerous. More than 80 per cent of the girls I meet don't know what intuition is. How the devil are you supposed to know to get out of it if you don't know you're in it?"

Thomas, who lives in Clontarf and is the mother of two daughters, was caught up in the cycle of domestic and family violence for the first 25 years of her life.

"Dad had the trifecta for abusive parents - he drank too much, he gambled money we didn't have and he used his fists too often," she says.

She has lost count of the number of times that police were called to her home when she was young. All too often it was the middle of the night and her mum was covered in blood.

"We would call the police and he [her father] would stand behind the door," she recalls. "Once I was holding my Mum's arm and she was bleeding. It looked like a horror movie, with blood gushing down the side of her face.

ALSO READ: 'Very surprised': Pioneering boat builder honoured

"Mum would answer the door covered in blood saying everything was fine. They'd [the police] just have to walk away, they didn't have the powers that they have today. It just seemed to me that Dad had more power than the police, he could make them go away."

She remembers violence in many homes around the working class suburb of Hurstville where she grew up.

"In 1974, the year I was born, there was only one shelter in NSW and that was out in Fairfield. We didn't have AVOs, we didn't have police support," she says.

Thomas, her younger sister and their mum tried to leave many times.

"For us, it wasn't about leaving it was about escaping. Nobody leaves domestic violence, you escape," she says.

ALSO READ: The celebrities cashing in on their "wellness" lifestyles

"The final time we left, there was no furniture, it was just what we could pack in our suitcases."

Following the trauma of her childhood, Thomas went on to be in abusive relationships.

"One of my first boyfriends punched me in the face until I was unrecognisable," she says.

"I'd been assaulted when I left home, I'd had these abusive relationships after my Dad, and I just thought 'it's me, I just make people angry, I just make people upset'."

At around 20 years old she started hapkido, Korean martial arts, after her then boyfriend encouraged her to come and watch while he was being graded.

There, she saw a female doing martial arts, "it was like an episode of Kill Bill," she remembers. "She just had bodies flying everywhere and I was like 'oh my God I want to do that'."

ALSO READ: Why we need to talk about men's mental health in the Beaches

Next came the incredible catalyst for what she does today. She met 14-year-old Angela, who told her that she'd been assaulted by a group of boys in a park.

"All she'd done was just sit there on this park bench and these boys circled her. She said: 'They started making comments about the way I looked. I got so scared I stood up and one of the guys grabbed me and he pulled me on his waist, and put his hand up my skirt and all the boys were laughing and then they started passing me around. I couldn't say anything and I was really scared and I didn't scream or say anything and now the whole school's calling me a slut. What did I do wrong?'".

Angela then asked Thomas if she'd teach some self defence techniques to her and her friends.

These days, Thomas is the founder and CEO of KYUP! Project which aims to break the cycle of family and domestic violence, by teaching self-worth and self-protection skills to girls and women.

Kyup means 'to shout' in Korean. "KYUP! is a martial arts power roar from your core," she says.

The idea for KYUP! was born following that first session with Angela and her friends. Then, thanks to a scholarship from fellow northern beaches woman and seven-time world surf champ, Layne Beachley, Thomas was on her way.

But back to that sold-out workshop at Forestville RSL Club on that wintry night, where hundreds of girls and women yell that word - KYUP! They also learn skills for how to escape if someone grabs your hair, your arm or tries to choke you.

ALSO READ: Want more local news from the northern beaches?

Thomas also shares stories - including that of 15-year-old Jessica Small from Bathurst who was kidnapped and suspected murdered after getting in a car with a stranger back in 1997. And the woman who got into a lift in a high-rise building after it opened to reveal a strange man standing in there alone. She ignored her intuition not to get in, and walked in, to her detriment.

Thomas also reveals that when she was 18 years old, she ignored her own intuition when on a night out with her best friend. A man outside a pub was behaving erratically and walking towards her punching the air. Her gut told her something was wrong, yet she turned her back on him. He then violently assaulted her, knocking her teeth out and leaving her bloodied.

The stories are confronting, yet the workshop is also about taking back that power, sticking up for yourself, and above all trusting your intuition.

Towards the end, Thomas asks for volunteers to come up on stage to break a wooden board that she's holding. Dozens of hands shoot up, some girls stand and call out to be selected. Those who are picked are asked to yell KYUP! as they smash the board, using the heel of their hand. They do so to resounding applause.

Later, girls and women of all ages come up to Thomas and gush about how they feel stronger, more confident and are grateful for having attended.

"My passion is domestic violence and moving beyond awareness to strong-hearted action, to combat domestic violence," Thomas explains.

"I do that using my martial arts, my self defence background, and working with experts in policing and psychology for people to have that inner strength. If you don't know what makes you worth protecting, you won't stand up for yourself, you won't stand up for anybody else and you won't fight for your life. Self worth and self defence go hand in hand, you can't have one without the other."

Thomas conducts workshops in a range of areas, including for corporates, community groups, schools and shelters. They're easily booked on her website (kyupproject.com.au).

She's also in discussions with NRL's South Sydney Rabbitohs and AFL's Sydney Swans to assist them with their domestic violence policies. She's previously worked in an advisory role for DV policies for the Bendigo Bank, ASX and APRA.

ALSO READ: Don't let $12m economy boost go to waste

In 2017, she was an Australian of the Year Nominee, and in 2019/2020 was an ambassador for the Australia Day Council. In 2019 she was crowned Australian Hapkido Association - Woman of the Year (Tournament).

One of her proudest career highlights came in 2018 when she was announced Cosmopolitan Woman of the Year - Game Changer. "I cried like Gwyneth Paltrow in that Oscar's speech when I won that, it was bizarre," she said.

The number of domestic violence related assaults in the northern beaches have remained steady for the past 16 years, data from the NSW Bureau of Crime Statistics and Research shows.

Year - number of assaults

2021 - 318

2020 - 351

2019 - 487

2018 - 448

2017 - 356

2016 - 305

2015 - 346

2014 - 393

2013 - 398

2012 - 404

2011 - 490

2010 - 391

2009 - 397

2008 - 346

2007 - 366

2006 - 390

Need If you are in immediate danger, please call triple-0.

Local services include:

Community Northern Beaches - Domestic and Family Violence Service at cnb.org.au

Women and Children First (formerly Manly Warringah Women's Resource Centre) at womensrefuge.org.au

Northern Beaches Women's Shelter at nbws.org.au

Mary's House - Women's Domestic Violence Refuge North Shore at maryshouse.org.au

Relationships Australia NSW - Family Relationship Centre Dee Why at relationshipsnsw.org.au

Relationships Australia - Men's Choice & Change at relationshipsnsw.org.au

Northern Sydney Women's Domestic Violence Court Advocacy Service at legalaid.nsw.gov.au on 8425 8707

These confidential hotlines are available 24 hours:

1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732)

Domestic Violence Crisis Line 1800 65 64 63

MensLine 1300 78 99 78

Men's Referral Service 1300 766 491